:)

Antifurt pentru Sandwich-uri

Istoria emoticonurilor

Intrebare: Care e adresa de Yahoo a lui Chuck Norris?
Raspuns:

If Operating Systems ran the airlines…. a metaphor.

UNIX Airways
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on…

Mac 9 Airlines
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don’t need to know, don’t want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows 9x Air
The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows XP Air
You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada.

Mac OSX Air:
You enter a white terminal, and all you can see is a woman sitting in the corner behind a white desk, you walk up to get your ticket. She smiles and says “Welcome to OS X Air, please allow us to take your picture”, at which point a camera in the wall you didn’t notice before takes your picture. “Thank you, here is your ticket” You are handed a minimalistic ticket with your picture at the top, it already has all of your information. A door opens to your right and you walk through. You enter a wide open space with one seat in the middle, you sit, listen to music and watch movies until the end of the flight. You never see any of the other passengers. You land, get off, and you say to yourself “wow, that was really nice, but I feel like something was missing”

Windows Vista Airlines:
You enter a good looking terminal with the largest planes you have ever seen. Every 10 feet a security officer appears and asks you if you are “sure” you want to continue walking to your plane and if you would like to cancel. Not sure what cancel would do, you continue walking and ask the agent at the desk why the planes are so big. After the security officer making sure you want to ask the question and you want to hear the answer, the agent replies that they are bigger because it makes customers feel better, but the planes are designed to fly twice as slow. Adding the size helped achieve the slow fly goal.

Once on the plane, every passenger has to be asked individually by the flight attendants if they are sure they want to take this flight. Then it is company policy that the captain asks the passengers collectively the same thing. After answering yes to so many questions, you are punched in the face by some stranger who when he asked “Are you sure you want me to punch you in the face? Cancel or Allow?” you instinctively say “Allow”.

After takeoff, the pilots realize that the landing gear driver wasn’t updated to work with the new plane. Therefore it is always stuck in the down position. This forces the plane to fly even slower, but the pilots are used to it and continue to fly the planes, hoping that soon the landing gear manufacturer will give out a landing gear driver update.

You arrive at your destination wishing you had used your reward miles with XP airlines rather than trying out this new carrier. A close friend, after hearing your story, mentions that Linux Air is a much better alternative and helps.

Linux Air
Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself.

When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, “You had to do what with the seat?”

How to hook up your home theater - Goofy style!

Directorul unei fabrici le propune muncitorilor sa lucreze in fiecare zi mai mult cu 1 ora pentru a creste productivitatea.
Apoi ii intreaba pe angajati daca sunt de acord.
Ionescu : Eu propun sa se lucreze cate 10 ore pe zi pentru a mari profitul companiei.
Popescu: Eu zic ca putem lucra chiar 12 ore pe zi, pentru ca trebuie sa ajungem cat mai repede la nivelul concurentei.
Vasilescu: Am putea sa lucram 16 ore pe zi, suntem obligati sa ne facem datoria.
Gheorghe : Eu propun sa nu mai plecam acasa deloc. Pentru ca acasa ne intalnim cu nevestele si riscam sa se nasca tampiti ca Ionescu, Popescu, Vasilescu!

Un tip bate la poarta unei case. Un cîine se ridică în două picioare şi-i spune: - Stăpînul nu e acasă! Tipul leşină de spaimă. Cînd îşi revine, îl întreabă pe cîine: - Pai, dacă eşti cîine, de ce nu latri? - N-am vrut să te sperii

Un tip se trezeste intr-o dimineata cu o mahmureala ingrozitoare dupa o noapte petrecuta la o petrecere.

Se chinuie sa-si deschida ochii si primul lucru pe care il vede sunt doua aspirine asezate langa un pahar cu apa pe noptiera. Si langa el, un trandafir rosu!

Se ridica din pat si-si vede hainele curate si calcate. Se uita prin camera si vede ca totul e in ordine perfecta si luceste de curatenie. La fel e si in restul casei.

Ia aspirinele, se sperie cand se uita in oglinda din baie si vede un ochi vanat si in cele din urma observa un bilet pe masa pe care scria:

“Dragul meu, micul dejun e in cuptor. Eu am iesit la cumparaturi. Te iubesc!!”

Se taraste pana in bucatarie si vede ca intr-adevar il asteapta micul dejun aburind si ziarul de dimineata.

Fiul lui e si el in bucatarie. Ion il intreaba:
- Fiule, ce s-a intamplat azi-noapte?
- Pai, ai ajuns acasa beat dupa 3 dimineata si ai luat-o razna. Ai rupt masuta din sufragerie, ai varsat pe coridor si ti-ai facut un ochi vanat cand ai dat cu capul de usa.
- Atunci de ce este totul intr-o ordine atat de perfecta, atat de curat, am primit un trandafir rosu si micul dejun ma asteapta pe masa?
- Ah, asta-i simplu, ii raspunde fiul. Mama te-a tarat pana in dormitor si cand a incercat sa-ti dea jos pantalonii i-ai spus:

“Lasa-ma in pace, tarfa ce esti, sunt insurat!”

Morala:

Masuta rupta - $200.26
Micul Dejun - $8.20
Trandafirul rosu - $3.00
Aspirinele - $0.30
Sa spui lucrul potrivit la momentul potrivit…de nepretuit.

Intr-o benzinarie, un programator se uita derutat la pompe si murmura: - 95? ... 98? ... 95! ... 98!

Vazandu-l pierdut, un angajat al benzinariei se apropie si il intreaba:
- Cu ce va pot ajuta?

Cu o raza de fericire in privire, raspunde:
- Benzina XP sau Vista aveti?

Balmer asta asculta prea mult Rammstein ;D era sa crap de ras...

LE: Inca una din aceeasi serie: Adolf Balmer

http://www.interesno.dn.ua/interesting-photo/interesting-all-photo/14-interesting-all-photo/754-prikol-foto

Russia+Wingoze+Crap - take 1

Russia+Wingoze+Crap - take 2

De fapt acele reclame indeamna omul sa foloseasca produsele Micro$tift ca alternativa la hartie igienica. Totusi, ca de altfel majoritatea reclamelor si cele de mai sus induc publicul in eroare deoarece produsele carora li se face reclama nici macar de hartie igienica nu sunt bune!  :D

P.S.: Sau cumva fac reclama la laxative?! Desi nici atunci nu e potrivita reclama, la asa preturi sigur te paste o constipatie crunta!  :o

Yea, I know, I'm evil! I can't help it!  ;D

Viata de pisica: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPzNl6NKAG0

Cu dedicatie pentru Csabi si Beranger posesori iubitori de feline! :)

Pisici+munca+angajati: http://blog.sarau.ro/incarcarea-cu-pasiune-la-locul-de-munca.html

The matrix runs windows  ;D
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1886349

Ia uitati peste ce anunt de loc de munca am dat intr-un mail de la eJobs ... am crezut ca pic de pe scaun:
http://www.ejobs.ro/user/locuri-de-munca/334880

Deci? Care va oferiti? Nici un cunascotor al "limbajului de programare Linux" ... hai nu fiti rusinosi! Curaj! Curaj ... ma gandesc ca multi aveti peste trei ani experienta in acest "limbaj de programare" ...  :D  :D  :D  :D  :D  :D  :D  :D

Did You Know; Shift Happens - Globalization; Information Age

Urmariti pana la final!

Nu stiu cat e de ras, dar...

Bruce Lee joaca ping-pong!

George Carlin - Modern Man O foarte buna descriere a omului modern!  :D

Pacat ca a murit George Carlin... Mai multe info despre el -> aici.

Pentru cei care vor textul poeziei de mai sus (Piratu' daca vrei tradu in romana):

I’m a Modern Man
GEORGE CARLIN
on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno on 15nov2005

I'm a modern man, digital and smoke-free; a man for the millennium.
A diversified, multi-cultural, post-modern deconstructionist; politically, anatomically and ecologically incorrect.
I've been uplinked and downloaded, I've been inputted and outsourced. I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading.
I'm a high-tech low-life. A cutting-edge, state-of-the-art, bi-coastal multi-tasker, and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.
I'm new-wave, but I'm old-school; and my inner child is outward-bound.
I'm a hot-wired, heat-seeking, warm-hearted cool customer; voice-activated and bio-degradable.
I interface with my database; my database is in cyberspace; so I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive, and from time to time I'm radioactive.
Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin' the wave, dodgin' the bullet, pushin' the envelope.
I'm on point, on task, on message, and off drugs.
I've got no need for coke and speed; I've got no urge to binge and purge.
I'm in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar.
A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary.
A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom-feeder.
I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps, I run victory laps.
I'm a totally ongoing, big-foot, slam-dunk rainmaker with a pro-active outreach.
A raging workaholic, a working rageaholic; out of rehab and in denial.
I've got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant, and a personal agenda.
You can't shut me up; you can't dumb me down. 'Cause I'm tireless, and I'm wireless. I'm an alpha-male on beta-blockers.
I'm a non-believer, I'm an over-achiever; Laid-back and fashion-forward. Up-front, down-home; low-rent, high-maintenance.
I'm super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built to last.
A hands-on, footloose, knee-jerk head case; prematurely post-traumatic, and I have a love child who sends me hate-mail.
But I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharing. A supportive, bonding, nurturing primary-care giver.
My output is down, but my income is up. I take a short position on the long bond, and my revenue stream has its own cash flow.
I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports.
I'm gender-specific, capital-intensive, user-friendly and lactose-intolerant.
I like rough sex; I like tough love. I use the F-word in my e-mail. And the software on my hard drive is hard-core—no soft porn.
I bought a microwave at a mini-mall. I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast food in the slow lane. I'm toll-free, bite-size, ready-to-wear, and I come in all sizes.
A fully equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically-formulated medical miracle.
I've been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped and vacuum-packed.
And . . . I have unlimited broadband capacity.
I'm a rude dude, but I'm the real deal. Lean and mean. Cocked, locked and ready to rock; rough, tough and hard to bluff.
I take it slow, I go with the flow; I ride with the tide, I've got glide in my stride.
Drivin' and movin', sailin' and spinnin'; jivin' and groovin', wailin' and winnin'.
I don't snooze, so I don't lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty, and lunchtime is crunch time.
I'm hangin' in, there ain't no doubt; and I'm hangin' tough.
Over and out.

O vrabiuta zbura cu viteza la nivelul solului. Din fata ei vine un BMW…Vrabiuta cu viteza spre BMW………….se izbeste de masina… cade ametita toata. Soferul opreste, o ridica, o ia acasa , o pune in colivie, ii pune niste paine,ii pune niste apa… Se trezeste vrabiuta la un moment dat si se uita buimacita in jurul ei: Vede gratii, vede apa, vede painea… - 'Ai de capul meu!….! L-am omorat pe ala cu bmw-ul..

”Trei trupe”. Imaginati-va asta luandu-i interviu mexicanului cu ”şasă cai fumoşi”.  :D

Britain's got tallent - Michael Jackson-like - super show pentru cine nu l-a vazut.

Funny pics